036 Mikey Miles Part 1 by Western Promises
What can we even say about this. The man, the legend, the infamous Mr. Mikey Miles. This is part one of Mikey Miles on Western Promises. For part two subscribe to our patreon: patreon.com/westernpromises Follow Mikey Miles on instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/mikeymiles160/
By WesternPromises
Beaumont, Paris, and Kevin lead you through the troubled wasteland of funkopops, disney adults, marvel movies, and bad opinions to the refreshing oasis of good opinions, firm convictions, mushy buffet-style ideology, and genuine camaraderie. Also just kidding if youre upset at anything or whatever. Listen on SpotifySend voice message patreon.com/westernpromises
okay, its incel time. okay now its royalty free sound effect time okay now its balldo time okay now its late episode time
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AI will replace alcohol in 10 years. soon we wont need to drink 12 beers before approaching the 4 sitting alone at fudruckers. we will just pop in an AI earbud and let the ghost in the machine guide us to hyperborea. dont believe me? really? you dont think that will happen? well, have fun on the wrong side of history CHUD
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what if i told you there was a place you could go, right now, today, right where you are sitting, where nothing hurt anymore? no-one laughed at you anymore? people looked up to you, respected you, wanted to be in your presence. no, im not talking about mindfulness, i dont give a FUCK about being 10% happier. im talking about tantric gooning. 6, 7 8, or even 24 hours, of constant pleasure. alone or with friends or family. are you ready? are you ready to become the man you were always meant to be? well put your headphones on and hit the play button, lets get started.
слушай, я не в этом эпизоде. Я не знаю, что тебе сказать. Я не слушал это, но уверен, что это хорошо. Если вам понравилось, подписывайтесь на наш патреон. Если вам это нравится, тогда обратите пристальное внимание на следующий эпизод. ты узнаешь это, когда услышишь.
no time, cant edit
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woah, college is getting wild now. a bunch of tents and trash and disorder everywhere, what is this, los angeles? just playin. i hope everyone is safe and has a chance to stand up for what they believe in. for me, its installing the hot coffee mod on disney plus. its a little tricky to do but once you have it all configured you can unlock the secret Finding Dory sex mini game. its really sick actually, you get to play as dory and you can swim into the ocean and make love to whatever you want. if someone is good at computers please reach out and help
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Tardigrades (/ˈtɑːrdɪɡreɪdz/),1 known colloquially as water bears or moss piglets,2345 are a phylum of eight-legged segmentedmicro-animals.26 They were first described by the German zoologist Johann August Ephraim Goeze in 1773, who called them Kleiner Wasserbär (’little water bear’).7 In 1777, the Italian biologist Lazzaro Spallanzani named them Tardigrada (/tɑːrˈdɪɡrədə/), which means “slow steppers”.8
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computer, open lotus notes. computer, start new note. new line. dear computer, this week on my radio we talk about dropping it into third gear going 60 on the beltway and chirping the dang tires. end note.
computer, open secret diary file. new entry. dear computer, i am in love with the iranian woman who picks through the trash in front of the del taco. she carries herself with such dignity in spite of her disgusting body and pathetic life. oh diary, i want to ask her to the prom but will she say yes??? ugh, its so hard to be 33. I hope that this summer i get abs and huge tits.
computer, log off.
it gets better near the end of the episode i think
better late than clever
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look here is the episode. no intro, joined by LITR. we talk two headed girl marriage, india pakistan relations, spermworld, israel palestine, red dead redemption 2
listen to lifting in the ruins:https://open.spotify.com/show/3ffjUb7V8IJROheAj3HFtH?si=f32ee117d9d54eff
the impending eclipse fucked us up. got us all turned up and mixed around and goofed
unlocking a bonus episode this week from our patreon at patreon.com/westernpromises
3 bonus episodes every 15 seconds? patreon.com/westernpromises
we discuss the neurodivergent clown posse, kingcobrajfs and his GF, new inventions, subway performances, personal attacks, soup temperatures, straight culture, gay culture, clown culture, and what we can learn, regardless of what side of the aisle youre on, from the epic tale of Moses’s bravery and faith.
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podcas late cuz my uh, my freaking family like got hit with like a rocket? yeah they got hit with a rocket and i was so sad about that happening to me that it gave me a uh, a fever
so lemme get one of them extensions on the assignment
my counselor told me that you have to give me extra time on podcasts
so you can count it as late if you want but you will absolutely go to jail because of this. my cousin married a chick whose pops is a lawyer
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listen to lifting in the ruins: https://open.spotify.com/show/3ffjUb7V8IJROheAj3HFtH?si=3415c6f7ae9c41c1
we are joined by LITR to discuss gamergate 2.0, something important and worth it, trust me. we also play balatro, hold hands, and remember say his name aaron bushnell. also shaun king going muslim lmao.
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IN THIS EPISODE WE TALK ABOUT:
Aella’s birthday g@ngB@ng with an exclusive interview with the virgin that attended
Chris Brown’s penish
Dune i think?
our fans *hands making heart emoji*
our enemies *lil purple devil guy emoji*
halo 2 and da masta chief
and so much more probably
this week? oh youre talking about this week? well this week we kick it ooooold schooool style. just beaumont, just paris, just big big laughs.
hell divers 2, balatro, transracialism, autism, botulism, populism?
support the show for discord access and 3 to four bonus episodes a week. Youre gonna like the way you give us $5 a month, i guarantee it. patreon.com/westernpromises
Beaumont and Kevin are on their honeymoon and they didn’t want to take their microphones
if you like the smell of whats cooking, consider joining the patreon for 4ish bonus episodes each month
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Gothic badass dark wizards, tactical soap, smoking hot babes and open mouth kisses, peanut butter cobras, and epic troll slaying. This week we dive into the exciting new romance in former guest and friend of the show King Cobra JFS. We also dig into a bit more of Vaush’s dark delights and sinister interests. You are not going to want to have your ear drums blown out by a concussion grenade this week. I promise.
//BEGIN LIE//
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ummm i paused my little sister for sale for this? let me get this straight: eat, game, repeat? Hold on, youre telling me mia khalifa has collected ALL of the dragon balls!?
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In this episode we are joined by Guy to discuss the real history behind the hit movie 300, the super dark effed up world of palworld, we learn what an earthrocker is, how beer is brewed ethically by sluts, the FAA hiring scandal, and what piercings you need to remove before you have a baby.
Listen to Lifting in the Ruins: https://open.spotify.com/show/3ffjUb7V8IJROheAj3HFtH?si=a18b94632a6a4416
bonus episode every (promise) week every week every week
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the new blade interface system on the xbox gaming console system has revolutionized the way we live and hang out in this place. they slice through the virtual world you are in elegantly and cooly, you will love it. you will love these blades. tired of looking at a new shirt for your avatar? SLICE! browsing adult jpegs you have loaded onto your western digital passport and your whatever walks in? SLICE! gone! now you are looking at the store page for alien hominid.
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weekly bonus episodes and lil guys
did you guys see the news? what happened over there? crazy stuff. insane. glad it is being taken care of though. and by who, even. really couldnt ask for a better team to do what it is that they are doing.
Also in my personal life that happened, and it really changed me. it changed me in specific ways that i understand and am learning to accept.
Right now it is probably my favorite game and it is tied with my favorite mini series
is the western world going to collapse? maybe, and if it did it might sound a bit like this:
Listen to Lifting in da Ruins
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doing some boots on the ground reporting from one of the most dangerous airports in the world for this episode. we talk about the dam tunnels, we talk aobut cheese heads, we talk about getting drunk with you little nephew and convincing him to push a phillips head schrewdriver into the waiters legs while he takes our drink orders at our favorite gastropub. what is more gastro than that?
pronouns? in MY autistic first person dungeon crawler game? next youre gonna tell me they took away sobe and that beloved superstar rapper viper kidnapped a methhead and locked her in a garage with a piss soaked mattress and used diapers lying around everywhere
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We are joined on this uh, one, by lifting in the ruins to discuss being so fat that you get stuck in a bathtub like a spongebob, or you get stuck in a chair and have to call the fire department. we also talk about piss closets, dragon ball z and the hispanic obsession and so much more. ring in the new year with us and hey, as a little freaking treat why dont you subscribe to our patreon for bonus episodes every week
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and listen to Lifting in the Ruins
subscribe to our patreon for weekly bonus episodes and nude pictures of my enemies and friends and neighbors and guys using the urinal at the mall patreon.com/westernpromises
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what an episode and what a year. we break down this year in p*rn with a dear friend. We discuss alternative clowning and what it means for you and your family. but most of all? but most of very all? we say merry christmas. we write it on our own damn starbucks cups. we get it tattooed on our infant sons. we put on our ugly sweaters that we are totally gonna win this years contest at our office/brewery/trivia night with, we are a lock for sure bro. it has dwight from the office on it. it crushes dude. it comes in so clutch for pulling trim. trust me bro, you put this on and they drag themselves towards you like a dog with worms. merry christmas everyone.
sub pls patreon.com/westernpromises for bonus episodes and discord access
Listen to Lifting in the Ruins
do you think god could decolonize his apartment so well that even he couldnt live there? something i think about often. other things i be thinking about:
- video games
- those fruity altoids candy (90s kids only!)
- that episode where doug gets molested
- how taking pride in your living space improves your life
- vaping
- smoking
- the one time i bought shoes from the girls section at the shoestore and kids made fun of me at school
On this episode the mad lads discuss Cobra’s all time disaster stream, rogue trader, and whether or not meth makes your dick not work
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i bet you do like to boycott. get a boy into your cot that is. you would like that. his hard cold body oozing all over your scratchy wool sheets. leaking all over the little race cars and cowboys. the puss from open wounds congealing into crusty puck, gluing your duvet to the exposed edge of your twin sized mattress. why is it called a twin sized mattress anyways? funny how things come to be. lethal company is a lot of fun. check out our Lil Peek of it on your youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CIBFWxHl98g
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i saw someone on twitter say that her boyfriend who died kept a bottle of champagne in the fridge for when henry kissinger died. pretty crazy to think about something like that so much. you just keep it in there the whole time? to use when this guy dies that you dont know? yeah not me man, not me. the weirdest thing i keep in my fridge are undershirts. i like a cool undershirt. chalk it up to growing up in the texas heat. the lone star sun beating down on me as i hitchhike to the outlet mall - there is a big sale on under armor shoes. gonna stock up. gotta stock up. also i heard they have a new qr code i want to check out. not sure what it does. gonna get the cute shoe barista to help me. gonna ask for a size 7 and do a “oh man, yeah this is way too small, wow. heh heh, yeah that is NOT gonna work. we are going to need to go up a size, maybe even a size and a half heh heh.” lets see how she responds to that. I dont think she speaks much english but I trust my charm can transcend the language barrier. Oh mi esposa mula calcárea, te trataré como a una preciosa bola de nieve. Déjame agregar alegría y eros a tu vida latina.
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happy thanksgiving everyone. fill up on turkey and cakes and figs and sweet breads. slide up to the table and dig into this gristle with me. really get in there. dig your canines in. let your salivia pour over it. we are in this together. together we can really put a dent into this. pull on the chain, bring the gristle hook closer to you. im so sorry to hear about your sister, that must be hard. take another bite, we are making progress. i love watching you work, youre a natural. i hope you are enjoying this. we have to make a plan to see each other more than just holidays and funerals. it will keep us young. we used to just hang out, remember that? just hanging out. yeah, yeah, pull on this meat hook, yeah. here, ill wipe the sweat from your brow, dont worry about it. remember melissa? no? well she was such a big part of my life and my story and now she is dead, stepped on an IED in rural Arkansas. who would have thought. the world is crazy. im just glad we have family. thank you for being here. happy thanksgiving everyone
just a sad story of a genius who is tormented by an evil government hellbent on just making his freaking life bad
wow what can we even say here. We are joined by the inventor of the TLC Tugger for this weeks Western Promises. We talk about the systematic mutilation of our nations men that is circumcision and also we get into toothbrush engineering. folks, you cannot miss this episode. I dont know how to tell you, if you dont listen to this you will actually die and you wont go to heaven. sorry pal, thems tha rulles.
if you want to listen to more, why dont you just go ahead and sub to our patreon for bonus episodes each week
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also join us in regrowing our stolen foreskin at:
In this podcast Paris and G will teach you how to please a woman. We will talk about internet stuff that Paris missed while he was getting his gender studies degree at Bard. We will talk about small trucks. We will teach you how to tap into the noosphere to receive untold wisdom. All you have to do, is click play.
long ginus. im a positive that is how they say it in the show. someone please find me a clip of them saying it
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me, two 10s on each arm walking into the 5 nights at freddys movie. mask firmly resting under my nose. i order 1 small popcorn and every box of junior mints they have from the back of the line without removing my bowler hat. my novelty spurs tearing up little fibers of carpet as i drag my feet towards the coke freestlye machine. “the soda in these always tastes bad” i say, coldly, not looking at anyone in particular. I fill my cup with strawberry coke zero and rootbeer without unlocking arms from either of my female companions. I take one sip and then drop the cup in front of the employee using the manual vacuum cleaner. “missed a spot pal” i say without looking at his pathetic face. I shush my women. “dont you dare laugh at him. Dont you EVER laugh at him!” i yell in her face, not sure which one chuckled.
bonus episode every week dears
how funny would that be? and then there could be follow up movies where she is a black israelite.
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we just did a love line episode where we answer buring sex and nasty questions about your disgusting failed relationships. sub to hear.
Also email us with your questions/comments and we will read it on the show
Email Time
sending love to everyone who truly feels in this f’d up world. we are going through it as a species and i just wish we could stop hurting each other. ugh. UGH.
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seo time: master chief, chipotle, poly, adultery, kissing, sex gifs, fortnite, hamas, israel, world cultures, ps5, forza, fifa, lebron james, hong kong, ukraine, russia, biden, homies, los angeles, instagram, virgin, incel, grilling, jerky, perky, baulders gate 3, species, bad tits, to write love on her arms
dont you find it funny how this always happens? you will be minding your own business, drinking a soft kombucha on the beach listening to banana pancakes and thinking “wow how could anything be better” when suddenly you are overcome with an impending sense of doom and deep embarassment. you feel it in your chest at first but then it starts to sink down into the pit of your stomach like a rotten baseball. did you really earn this life? have you done anything of value, ever? no, probably not. get back to work you worthless loser.
also subscribe to our patreon for bonus episodes and excluuuuuuuuusive features like one where you can listen to my therapy sessions for real.
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damn dog look at my lawyer, im going to pizza jail
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yo this is my song. turn that mess up. lets blow the tweeters out. turn the sub off. trebel all the way up. this is our song.
subscribe to the show to get bonus eps, vids, discord access thnks
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mexican aliens, steve harvey as the joker, Las Vegas getting pwnd, splitting your dick in two to ear extra money, starfield, brother, what didnt we talk about on this episode. A no-show guest couldnt stop us. Also help me rein in Kevin, he is going a little to hard recently and im worried about mass appeal. or at the very least subscribe to our patreon so we can get him some accent training. all of his accents sound the exact same and i just think we can do a little better.
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pronouns? in my space video game? whats next? a lizzo mcdonalds meal? c’mon.
bro the west has fallen, just get in the car. we are going to crystal burger
also man what if you wanted like more of this show?
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if hercules missed when he shot out the sun do you think the arrow would have ever stopped? If atlas didnt shrug, do you think he ever would? if i was good once, was i am good as i ever was? this week we mourn the loss of our valued employee cootie. he was a real pain the the ass and he kept chewing off the erasers on all of the pencils in the supply closet but he could beat box better than anyone else in the office and the food he would bring for lunch looked so gross it made all of us feel better about our lunches. If i ever see him again I swear to god its on site. I will kill that man if it is the last thing I do. You dont hold hands with another mans wife even if it was “on accident.” Thats fucked up. That is FUCKED UP>
can you imagine that? then we wouldnt have to go to 5th period. I hate that class. Why are we taking something called “college algebra” in frigging high school anyways? did someone miss a memo? hello!!! also Mrs. Lightfoot is so fat and flabby, how am i supposed to figure out who the hell this X guy is when all i can focus on is her flabby ass arms waving around. she smells like the bathroom at hobby lobby too. If she doesnt pass me I am going to take all of my dog’s seizure medication and peace the f out of this gay world.Here’s the scoop: We are NOT neglecting the podcast. The problem? Beaumont was killed in whatever bullshit hurricane baby ass rain earthquake he’s complaining about, Paris got lost in a Bass Pro Shop, and Kevin sold his computer for 900 VHS tapes of Corky Romano (unopened). Good riddance, if you ask me, heh! Heh! Heh! Baldur’s Gate sex% run
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what do you want from me? an epiosode with all three hosts on time filled to the brim with jokes and insight? how about no? scotty says what?
damn what if you wanted to listen to another hour of this? wow you think you could? fuck shit, wow woah. i really wonder if you could
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bonus content regularly now, that is a western promise
sorry for our tardiness
Welcome. once you understand that everything in the universe fits neatly into 64 unique categories everything will start to make more sense to you. but dont you worry about that, you dont need to worry about that. you dont need to worry about anything. we are here to handle everything. we spend so much time worrying now - will i ever find fulfilment in my job? will i ever make enough money to relax? will my girlfriend eventually lose interest after the artificial shine of a new sexual relationship wears off? will i grow apart from those i care about the most? But imagine this for a minute: it all could work out. There is no reason why that isnt a possibility. Go outside. Pick up the basketball and take a shot. see what happens. I bet you make it. Go to the grocery store without a list, i bet you get everything you need and nothing that you dont need, you’ll remember that you already have seasame oil in the pantry, you dont need another bottle.
Join us as we celebrate the last 100 years by an eliminiation style bracket tournament of the best 64 things in the human known universe.
Subscribe to our patreon please, we are all horrible at our actual jobs and its just a matter of time, oh god it really is just a matter of time. we cant keep getting away with doing nothing for days and weeks and months. someone will find out, someone has to.
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